yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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