Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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