Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
