What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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