I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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