so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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