I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
