careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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