Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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