I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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