about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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