What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
