In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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