Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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