Nicole vs. Life
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
