Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
