I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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