She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
