I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
