The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He better not be in your backpack
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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