You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
