Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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  (910): that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time. http://tfl.nu/0332
  Replies (11) Good night (792) Bad night (3564)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds

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  (269): We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds http://tfl.nu/v47x
  Replies (15) Good night (6841) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

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  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (9312) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

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  (408): How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...? http://tfl.nu/cucy
  Replies (15) Good night (6647) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible

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  (919): They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible http://tfl.nu/xaoi
  Replies (7) Good night (3960) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"

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  (262): My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?" http://tfl.nu/j8cb
  Replies (7) Good night (4494) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.

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  (404): I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play. http://tfl.nu/jglo
  Replies (11) Good night (1052) Bad night (4122)
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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  (418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8
  Replies (7) Good night (3386) Bad night (1698)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.

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  (215): Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day. http://tfl.nu/lmzq
  Replies (8) Good night (3357) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"

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  (305): Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now" http://tfl.nu/z261
  Replies (6) Good night (2118) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.

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  (208): Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me. http://tfl.nu/44ip
  Replies (8) Good night (1391) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.

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  (704): You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player. http://tfl.nu/yxi1
  Replies (2) Good night (332) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.

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  (803): I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits. http://tfl.nu/etyq
  Replies (5) Good night (383) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.

  (1-631): View more from New York

  That's 30 minutes too many.

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  (631): Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there. (1-631): That's 30 minutes too many. http://tfl.nu/4o2n
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE

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  (281): HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE http://tfl.nu/e61u
  Replies (2) Good night (351) Bad night (150)

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