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Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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