i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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