I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
