The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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