she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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