Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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