I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
