so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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