operation harelip BJ is a go
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
