That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
