I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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