How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
