When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
