A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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