tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
