I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The air was thick with penises
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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