I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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