Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
