Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
