I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
