My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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