I've blown a few things in my day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
