i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
