When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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