Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
