She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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