I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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