Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
