She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
