Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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