Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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