2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
