ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
