I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We got so high we made milksteak
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
