is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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