Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
