Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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