Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
