did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
