ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
