M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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