after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
