You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sorry about my life...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
