I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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