I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
